Questions for couples

For the two of you, and not one card asks about your favourite colour

For two

Couples run out of questions faster than they run out of evenings. Not because there is nothing left to say, but because the easy questions are used up and the real ones feel too heavy to start with. These cards sit in between. Each one asks about something that already happened to you, so the answer arrives as a story rather than a word.

How to play

  1. One of you draws a card and reads it out loud
  2. The other answers first, without softening it
  3. Then the one who read the card answers the same question
  4. Compare the two versions, that is where the evening actually starts

The cards

Warm-up

Easy ones about the two of you, no confessions required

  1. Which moment from how we met do you retell to other people most often?
  2. What do I do that you quietly like and have never said out loud?
  3. Which of my habits annoyed you in the first month?
  4. What do we do together that other people do not even know about?
  5. Which trip do you remember by details rather than by photos?
  6. Which of my phrases do you now catch yourself saying?
  7. Which small household thing says more about us than words?
  8. What would you change about our ordinary evening?
  9. Which of our meals has become a tradition without us deciding on it?
  10. What do you always notice first when you come home?
  11. Which of us is actually better at planning, and which one thinks they are?
  12. What is the last thing we argued about that turned out to be nothing?
  13. Which song ended up being ours by accident?
  14. What do I always forget that you have stopped reminding me about?
  15. Which of our photos would you put on the wall?
  16. What do we spend money on that any outsider would find strange?
  17. Which of us wakes up in a better mood, and how obvious is it?
  18. What do you do when you want to make my day easier?
  19. Which place in the city has become ours?
  20. What did we get used to so fast that we forgot it was new?

Deeper

For an evening where you both have the energy for it

  1. When exactly did you realise this was serious?
  2. What would you bring back from our first few months?
  3. What have you wanted to ask me and kept postponing?
  4. Which of our decisions turned out better than we expected?
  5. What goes through your head when I go quiet?
  6. What do you want that you avoid saying in case it jinxes it?
  7. What do I do when I am upset that you notice before I do?
  8. Which of your own traits do you recognise in me?
  9. What do our friends believe about us that we disagree with?
  10. What is the silliest thing we have ever argued about?
  11. What have you given up for this and never mentioned?
  12. When did you last feel proud of me and not say it?
  13. What do you need from me that is hard to ask for?
  14. Which version of our future do you picture most often?
  15. What have we learned to do differently since the beginning?
  16. What do you protect me from without telling me?
  17. Which of my fears do you take more seriously than I do?
  18. What would you want me to remember about this year?
  19. What do you think we are still bad at?
  20. Which promise between us has never been said out loud?

Funny

When you want the evening light

  1. Which gift or surprise from me did you like the most?
  2. Which of us would survive longer alone in the flat?
  3. What would our reality show be called?
  4. Which of my searches would embarrass me the most if read out?
  5. Who would win if we swapped chores for a month?
  6. What do I do in my sleep that you have never told me about?
  7. Which of us is the reason we own something completely useless?
  8. What would you never let me choose again?
  9. Which of our arguments would look funniest on video?
  10. What is my most predictable reaction?
  11. Who would be a worse tourist guide in our own city?
  12. What food have I ruined so memorably that we still mention it?
  13. Which of us would be first to break under a lie detector?
  14. What would you put on a warning label about me?
  15. Which of us would be more useless in a zombie film?
  16. What is the pettiest thing I keep score of?
  17. Who packs worse, and what proves it?
  18. Which of our habits would confuse a stranger watching us?
  19. What do I always say right before doing something questionable?
  20. Which of us would be more offended by the other's impression of them?

Advice

  1. Do not save the hard ones for last, an evening that starts safe usually stays safe, so pull a heavier card while you both still have energy
  2. Answer before you explain, the first honest sentence is worth more than a paragraph of context around it
  3. Let one card run long, four cards with real answers beat twenty with polite ones

Questions about this set

Do these work for a new relationship?

Most of them do. A few ask about shared history, so if you have only been together a few weeks, skip those and come back to them later.

Is this the same as a compatibility test?

No. Nothing here is scored and there is no result at the end. The point is the conversation, not a verdict about your relationship.

Can we play this over a call?

Yes. Long distance is where these tend to work best, because there is nothing else competing for attention.

Other question sets